slow

take what you can, it's yours.
you'll never get what you truly want.

clean pipe

Untwisted from this pretzel of a knot.
It's relieving.

bugs

it's blinding, i do it on purpose,
resonance a purple hue.

pluck me from this placid dream.

clutter

plant a mine, in your head.
tread lightly, torn arms and limbs...
pick up the pieces in the morning.

idiot pilot

there's no leaving at all

can you tell me what i want to hear
because i'm sick of your ringing in my ears.
And when there's nothing but quiet,
I miss the noise.

erase the tape playing in my head,
growing mould. it's getting old.

dustmite

brush away these cobwebs,
and drop me off from this shelf.
self-imposed obscurity;
So fuckin' sick of myself.

spectacle

Everybody's got eyes.
Pre-conceived notions run amok,
along airwaves and telephone lines.

sepra

I have nothing to hide.
It's quite contrary, this quandary.

done with making rhymes,
biding my time.

itastesreal

end to hopeless ponderings,
a change of pace,
replace a lifetime's worth;
meanderings...

page one.

not your loss

my bad.
anything but that,
it's the last thing i want
to happen.

530pm. time should stop

and to what means, this conundrum?
questions i know the answers to.

28days42minutes12seconds

Gruff voice: that's when the world will end...
Donnie: Why?

...las escribiré para tí

I'm doin alryt now, she says.
In thoughts deep down inside,
where she don't need to hide;
Tiny sparks collide, breaking the divide.

Behind and within, these walls become thin;
Whither into dust,
all that's left is trust, and love and hope.
All that we have, is us.

spilut

and it all comes to 'nut'.
late night dates.

horizontal union

So i swing my feet out of bed, squinting, everything is a fuzzy blur.
Scratching a throbbing head, a bit of sun peaking through the blinds,
my back away from her.
The series and sequence of events from last night, all register a blank.
I'm in a strange room, in a stranger's bed, half-empty bottles and used cigarette butts.
A stash of funny and the happy, empty cellophane packets.
Where the fuck are we? And she is...

ginormity.

Lucy got out of bed,
change is good, she said;
Tossing about, pictures form in her head,
words follow shortly after,
and the tears flow freely.
All I ever wanted was the feel of your soft touch,
I never asked for much, she said.
(I gave you what i could.)
You didn't care at all she said...

ball of yarn

we'll have to make new love she said and he said.
And coming undone has become a regular occurrance,
not unlike the revelation of our innermost darkest truths,
the ones that should remain hid;
amidst the most regular of letdowns,
the sting reality brings to the picture
is evidence enough that this is no dream,
and the only option is to keep on going.

stop rewind play. delete.

The mind goes blank once more,
I have endured another year.
A pocketful of memories and one way streets
have confirmed my greatest fear.
My walking shoes are worn and old,
and so is this shell.
Days and weeks, precious, I've sold,
and struggled thru this hell.
Yet to pay my dues and settle down, aging, graced, and well,
I think i'll just be old, and somehow remain unwell.

dingalingaling

forcing a smile out of those eyes,
like prying open a safebox with a spoon.
Is everyone else blind, or is it just me.
I want you to see. I want you to be...

come undone

I'm yours.
But where are you?
I am here, stranded in wastelands of my own makings.

Outdated maps, blurry eyes.
I'm getting left behind, I've lost the way.
...home.
I've lost the way to you.

i wish...

you probably woudn't have seen me.

dotdashdotdotdaashdotdotdot

insipidly dragging my weightless frame.
the birds are circling overhead,
the animals lie in wait, unseen.

waiting for that moment
my tiny black, barren heart implodes.

sharpobjectspleasewalk.

razorblade slides across this neck.
help me push it in, just one peck.
severed skin, crimson drizzle.
feed the ants, have a nibble.

bludgeonicity

mine. i can't find.
yours, left behind.
ours, akin to non.

equate

too many minus signs.
additional negatives.
recipe. bittersweet.
choke on that.
a thousand heimlichs and broken ribs.

unidentitty

where you may be i can only hope to know
If you could see, if you could hear
plea's, invisible; a silent tear.
john doe.

like you mean it

smiles, but behind them eyes,
beneath them lines;
scowls, growls, sharpened knives.

heading

hopingwishinglongingwaitingclinging
grippingscratching
gnawingpawingfalling
downanotherrabbithole
dimmingblackspecksoflight
onelesserchancetofleeorfight
...

dried mangoes.

the feeling is gone.
it's me, splayed all over the crosswalk.
run a hundred thousand trucks
all over my bloodied guts
on passersby,
bathe freely, in my sadness.

all i wanted was what i could never get.
all i needed i never took.
all i have is... blank.

fews nlash

takes me ages,
outdated software 1's and 0's, 1' and 0's.
mostly 0's that's why.
Point of no direction,
where do i go?
tired of walking,
my flip flops are worn.

arrow point. left or right.
up or down.
fuck it, straight into my back into my heart, let me drown.

I shouldn't be not happy.
I shouldn't.

thenendistheotherendofthened

rollin' rollin'... bowlin' bowlin',
can't stop me from.
many equivalents,
non the same except for the outcome.
rollin' rollin' bubblin' strollin',
where we stumble bubbles boil,
harmless armless, count von countess.

eye tenerary

fear, own shadow, jump for joy,
i can't help myself i've become my own toy,
lonely lonesome little boy.
I said. I bled. I fed. I... dead.

linesli eslines

gimme a drink from your vinegar stick.
sweetened sting, on my open wounds;
fancy a lick off my vinegar stick?
sour-y sweet, blistered feet, meager rewards.

give me a drop from your vinegar stick,
I promise I won't tell.
Light a flame on this candle wick...

smiles for sugar. smile sugar smile.

I'm feeling pain for yours and mine.
Our hearts are stained;
blood and wine.

37 deg.

i'll keep you from the cold.

zeesniff

I'm tired. simply.
broken shards litter the floor,
Sweep me up, under the rug, wipe me off your coffee mug.
Stubborn stain. Me.
mysery pinked.

muzzlepup

I wanna play on white puffy clouds, floating carelessly in the wind,
invisible hands lightly holding me up;
the sun makes me squint, its heat radiates through this broken shell;
a limbo in Raybans and infinite smiles.

Sensations long forgotten awake from within;
Cracks and crevices of broken memory,
victimized, stained, abused and disdained.

Learning to walk again, tethered no more,
leaving nothing behind.
Dust and footprints...
I depart from the ground, into clouds, white puffy animal shaped clouds,
breathing, living;
Dying...
Happy?

youkooo

lost sleep again.
tossed and turned again.
endless thought patterns forming on depreciating grey matter.
whowhatwhenwherehowhy.

skinonskinthingmypoisonmycure

...it keeps me bouyed on fluffy clouds,
pendulously afloat on sweet nothingness.

bi pole

...becoming harder to remember,
(depleted brain cells, rusty motor functions)
so it's easier to forget.
(wasted years, on the drink, and every anything)
but you've been too comfortable staying dry,
you've been afraid to get wet.

random proximity thing

As long as they got their buzz.
It's all that really mattered, wasn't it?
Feigning comfort in imaginary walls,
a solace wherein their true selves hid from the world,
weak, vulnerable;
Alone.

for pleasure's sake, someone had to take the fall.
It could never be them.
Someone else perhaps.
As long as they got their buzz,
self-destructive leisure,
masked as harmless fun.

Harmless fun?
Subjective definitions.

Untruths. pollutants flooding our system.
...Better off without them;
But we get what we can.

until you remember the feelings of a real live emotional...

Counterfeits running amok.
Find me a genuine specimen.
Poisoned minds cloud judgement,
and the walls that divide grow thicker by the second.
Dark room, clinging desperately to any happy thoughts they have left,
flutterring away, and their sanity with it;
shoving everything else aside.

Self inflicted solitary confinement.
A holiday you'd be glad you didn't go.

shadow play

sliding down rainbows, landing, swimming in buckets of pills.
playin' playin' playin' till they get ill.

not porno for you

electro bunnies hoppity-hop slip slide down the rainbow's edge.
bop-bopping to the beat on their headphones.
hoppity-hop they go.

pt2
particles of light.
it's all we are, particles within particles, crashing and colliding,
friction.

sweetsweat

she was alone. maybe still is,
playing with shadows and sheltered from light,
her only satisfaction was a simple reaction;
non of us could get it right.
She wanders about, aimless meander,
touching and feeling for fields much greener.
she'll find it. i know.

exit, stage leftrightcenter,nowhere

self inflicted, why?
the thought of never, is a long, long forever
and it floods my thoughts like rolling waves on the surf.
300 months. The counter hasn't stopped.

rite of passage

No cure for this malady.
Prevention ain't fun,
but when the sickness creeps up on us,
underneath the wrinkles on my face,
wide-eyed naivety still?
And the fading remnants of a smile,
clenched teeth.
I fear regret; at what cost though?

bleeps of sonic indulgence

nobody no one nothing else just me.
it's a simple equation dividing subtracting dividing
a factor percentage of me.
always a simple conclusion the ending,
beginning an ending embarks on a journey;
a destination; me.
monkeys on my back i'm opening a circus
with nuts and chimps and nuts and me.
crunchy, all natural, primal primates, their(they're??) nuts, nuttier, nutty not.
chewing on bark, and sticking sticks through the ground;
chimpy chimpanzee.
fuck. monkey. not apes. monkeys are fucked.
we watched the chimp beat a monkeys brains to death.
We taped it and showed it. we watched it.

you were here

They tell me change is good.
But when you get left behind, all you can taste and feel is the dust and the smoke.
Clogging your lungs, and leaving a sting in your eyes.
Remnants of a better past.
I try to touch what was once there, your hand your hair.
All is air.

with you for a 10th of a second. feels like forever. wish it would last

end it. You haven't even started.
Nothing to start with.
Can't find it, lost it.
Been dumb.
still am.
and what is lacking.
everything.
and why.
i let it slip away.
underneath this exterior, behind the smile,
is a puddle of tears and rotting flesh.
time stopped but not for me.

insidious.

part1:
unconditional.
it's how it should be.

pleasures, beguiling in the negative definition.
beware. Can't keep on stumbling.
babysitting duties featured heavily for 4 weeks.

part 2:
nylon cords and cable ties.
this synthetic noose.
natural fibres don't work.
a million innoculations, can't and won't.
it stings still.
the hurt's gone.
it's the itch of the scar etched on this chest.
self inflicted.
i get off on my pain.

and the cure?
a robert smith catterwaul would fit nicely,
and...
you?

shift

I'm tired and it seems like it's all for naught hun.
Maybe I shouldn't anymore huh?
Skinned knuckles. Bruised.
It's all for you.

3727

overindulgences conspired.
lost a night. or two.
hunched over; a bottle of pills,
too much sleep, not enough rest.
late night phone calls, unwanted company.
the bitchy nurse, it's the 3rd and final time.
kindergarten 'treats'. Unappealing.
granny jammies.
apropriate attire, misery pink.

bolzac's

drawers and petticoats, livid, languishing, dishevelled despair.
we care not, but for one thing.
that which keeps us whole; alive.
without which, a barren existence awaits.

revelries abound, we take comfort in guiltless pleasures.
past the rising sun, beyond the heat of noon.
throughout the quiet night.
the only noise, our own, and theirs.

lack of ...

pompous pig.

how do you sleep?

simple complication

we walk paths best left untrodden;
feet, worn and bruised,
morbid euphoria, bites and cuts,
we lick our wounds and press on.
love and lust and life and death intertwine,
cataclysmic in its wake, could a great calm follow in its passing?
hopeless meanderings, walk and crawl and claw...

decibels

the sound of the music playing keeps me sane.
Like your constant rebukes remind me i'm still human.

A world without the senses is a void space,
we float aimlessly into nothing, without hope, unerred, ignorant.
And yet, that minute, miniscule, little hint of a beep or a chirp,
a soft whsiper.
waves of sound however faint,
sufficient to quell the weariness reality's jagged teeth etch onto our skin.

bell

You.
Me.

Pleasantly... strange, beautiful, one of a kind.
Between us both, beneath us both, a little, little, tiny line.
Smiles abound, frowns dissolve, all it takes,
this tiny, tiny, little thing...

Fills the gaps, the gaping cracks and aching backs.
How old we grow, its tiny glow,
keeps us warm, keeps us...

Two.
Me and you.

kagoo land

skin on skin, we dance and squint, splotchy kisses,
auto pilot catwalks on the bedledge.
In lollipop fields, peppermint scents, your butterfly wings on my lips, time stops.

snuggles for pupp.

a thousand sorries couldn't cover it.
heddfucks for fun aint worth it.
skinned knees and shredded jeans,a thousand echoes,
me saying please. old and dumb,
how good i've become,how good i could be,
its not even you, its probably just me.

wheatbrans goood for the brain

sun sets, eyes roll into the back of my head.
I love the setting sun.
A sign of what's behind and what's begun.

labia majora

we attract the same kind.
they don't stay.
for those that come, they never leave.
it is us who go away.
always the case, has it not been?
the manner of which, such events take place?
a waste, their reluctance to depart,
behind us, a trail of broken hearts.
patience runs thin, around the circle and within,
broken vinyl or scratchy pin, no one ever really wins.
the games we play...

horatio had a cat and she fell after the spoon

a thousand smiles. bloom gentle, within;
the soft gentle waves; her voice.
wavy tendrils of flower scented locks,
imperfection; beauty in its true form.

heavy legs

we walk and crawl and bawl and squawk and talk and groan and moan and frown and drown and sway and play and howl and growl and fuss and cuss and scream and dream and make and take and give and live and try and die and huddle and cuddle and hug and shrug and gut and cut and bash and crash and...
we sit, we grit, our teeth, and tie our hands in knots.
And wriggle our toes and twiddle our thumbs and the sun comes up and sleep is a word and the skates on our feet are heavy and our heads are light and the blankets and covers separate us from the others, we are one and we are none, alone, not quite; we aren't.

limb 0

into the rabbit hole we go, a downward spiral into the unknown.
uncovering crevices untouched, beneath the dust and sand,
our end.

a fading warmth, a blinding light.
her arms in mine, our doom in sight.
restless slumber, endless days,
a dying flame, a setting sun
many years amount to none.
we see what we have become.

out of the looking glass, into her arms
my only solace i never could find.
her arms in mine.

briskwalk

There isn't a chance I could do this on my own, he said.
Truth, a scar you cannot hide.
Disillusionned by what is real, hiding in unrealities, lost in little corners, hiding ever hiding, one singular wish;
to be free from... free from?

cogsprocket.

inadequacies inadequacies inadequacies.
too much is enough. done too little. when, how. unanswerable. borrowed time, maxing out.
tick tick tick tick, the most important sound we never hear.

need for...

of endless talk and starlit sky. Pictures, memories, play in my head. Stop, Rewind, Play, Pause, Stop Rewind Play Pause. Always have, Always will? Never, maybe. Probably not...

5 to Seven

In a hazy daze, lack of sleep, inspiration and contact of the intimate kind; it's been a long time coming and better late than never ever. So my journey begins yet again.